Holy shit this is ridiculous and incredible
*note: everyone was harmed in the making of this movie
Kim Jong Il’s birth
Kim Jong-il was born in Siberia in 1941 while his parents were during the Japanese occupation of Korea, according to Soviet documents.
But according to official North Korean literature, he was born in a log cabin at his father’s secret base on North Korea’s sacred Mt Paektu in 1942.
The same reports claim his birth were heralded by a swallow and caused winter to change to spring, a star to illuminate the sky and rainbows to spontaneously appear.
He was the best golfer the world has ever seen
In 1994, Pyongyang media reported that Kim Jong-il shot an amazing 11 holes-in-one to achieve an unprecedented 38-under-par game on a regulation 18-hole golf course - on his first try at golf.
Reports say each of his 17 bodyguards verified the record-breaking feat.
He lured short people with a wonder drug that promised to make them tall, then kidnapped them
Kim Hyun-sik, a former tutor to Jong-il, said the government handed out pamphlets to thousands of people selling a wonder drug that would make them taller. When they responded to the ad, they were sent away to “uninhabited islands in an attempt to end their ‘substandard’ genes from repeating in a new generation,” Hyun-sik said.
He was the world’s biggest Hennessey drinker
A study by Dr. Jerold Post, a former CIA psychologist, revealed the former dictator loved a Hennessey cognac that retails for $630 a bottle in Korea - $270 less than the average Korean annual income, $900.
“He is the largest customer over the last 10 years, averaging between $650,000 and $720,000 a year.”
He was a fashion icon
Pyongyang announced the leader had become a worldwide fashion icon after Rodong Sinmun, a communist party newspaper in North Korea, reported Kim Jong-il’s suits had become a global fashion phenomenon.
An “unidentified French fashion expert” agreed: “Kim Jong-il mode, which is now spreading expeditiously worldwide, is something unprecedented in the world’s history.”
He invented the hamburger
Since any American influences have long since been banned in his tiny communist country, Kim Jong Il had no choice but to create some new non-Western food by himself. North Korean newspaper Minju Joson reported that Kim Jong Il invented a new sandwich called “double bread with meat” in an attempt to provide “quality” food to university students. He then built a plant capable of mass hamburger production to feed his students and teachers, despite the fact that the majority of his citizens battle famine on a daily basis.